im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
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It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
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I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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