don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
