Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
