How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
