Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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