giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
