I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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