oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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