If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
