It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
