I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
