he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
