I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We are all done wearing pants today
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
