yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
