You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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