I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
