There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
