I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
