How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
