Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
