i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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