I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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