And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
