At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
