there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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