Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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