Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
