So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
