I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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