look no pants
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
