I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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