Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
