Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
