No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
