Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
