i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
