i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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