I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
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This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
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I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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