I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
