I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
