just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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