But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
