my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
