oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She's the barista slut.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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