i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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