How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
