I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
