ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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