you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I could make wine with my vomit
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
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today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
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It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My ass is underappreciated
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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