im having a threesome with these popsicles
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
