i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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