dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
