I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize