Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
