thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Mom said you looked used
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
