I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
