My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize