Welp...herpes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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