Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
