what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
