There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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