Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
