Kiss
Puke
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
