It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
