So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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