8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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