dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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