Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
