Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I think people are normalizing furries
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
