She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
