I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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