I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
