I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
FUCK WHALES
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
