my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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