You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This is the high leading the old right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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