Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
