is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
