I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
